:((

MARCH 16, 2011

Today was supposed to be a big day for me and Sean... As we have been seeing a specialist doctor for the past month, today is when we will find the results whether we will be expecting or not. Our day started with our usual routine except that I took a pregnancy test prior to our appointment. hehe. I didn't want any suspense and  wanted to be prepared when we see the doctor. I didn't tell Sean though that I'm testing since I wanted to surprise him just in case I get a positive result. But unfortunately, it was negative... Well, the test I did I guess wasn't so reliable anyway since I did it while the lights were off which means I didn't know if there were enough urine flowing on the stick nor was I holding it correctly. Lol. But it still bothered me and wondered why I got a negative result.. I was still hopeful though!

And so I met up with Sean at the Raffles Hospital  lobby around 12pm... I wasn't actually planning to tell him that I took the test, but Idid anyway. I didn't want him to be disappointed just in case I wasn't really pregnant. When we went up to the women's centre, they immediately got my urine sample for possible pregnancy. And so the 'roller coaster' feeling started. I was excited, nervous and anxious... As usual, we waited for 1 1/2 hours before we got to see the doctor which added to the  'agony' of waiting for the truth! And so when we it was our turn to see the doctor, the result says it was false positive! The test had a very faint line that the doctor still need to interpret it for us. To clear things out, she wanted to take my blood test  in order to get a more accurate and conclusive result. However, we have to wait for 2 more hours... Aarggh!!! I hate waiting!! Well, the thought of finding out that I was 'maybe' pregnant is giving me hopes and excitement.. A few more hours, and we'll find out..

While waiting, we ate lunch then went on our seperate ways... Sean has to go back to his office and I need to go to the embassy to get my passport... And so the waiting and the suspense still goes on until the nurse from the hospital called me... She said I had an early pregnancy loss.. :( I did got pregnant, but for some reason, it didn't continue. But the good news according to her is that I am capable of getting pregnant.. Almost there. - that was her exact words... I felt sad of course and I guess was amazed since yeah, I did get pregnant. Tears were flowing on my eyes while I was texting Sean... It's slowly sinking in that I was indeed pregnant.. but what happened? :( I was so down and so after getting my passport, I just went straight home...

When I was at home, I didn't have the energy nor the mood to do whatever.. I went straight though to  my computer and googled on what happened... This early pregnancy loss is also known as a chemical pregnancy. It says that 50 to 60 percent of first time pregnancies are usually like this and most of the time, women weren't aware that they were pregnant. It's still a good thing as it signifies that pregnancy is possible and that subsequently, you can expect a healthy baby. While this may still sound a good news, it didn't give me any relief. :( It's because we've been waiting for 3 years already and the thought I was finally pregnant but didn't push through is just so painful. :( I guess I never saw it coming.. I wasn't just expecting that kind of result.. Maybe if the findings were just a negativepregnancy, it will be more bearable. I just feel so helpless... I can't even question what happened... I can't be even angry or what... :(

I didn't know that this will have a great effect on me... I feel like I lost someone special! I guess this is all part of it.. I just have to assure myself that this is all for the better and that God has better plans. I may not have the answers right now to all my questions, but I know I just have to trust him. Besides, there are millions of people who have bigger problems right now and I should still be thankful that I'm alright. Sean and I both are alright. I know I'll be fine... soon I hope!!!

We lost the house by $500! aaargh.

Sean and I are into house hunting these days (oh yes, we're buying our own! Still hoping though that we're not staying here for good. :P)... Today was our second time to view house units in our area and we didn't expect that we'll find something great. The unit was obviously not as big as the we're but it felt 'homey' and cozy --- just exactly what we want. It was relatively new (12 yrs) and there was no need for repairs.... However, we lost it just by $500!!! The owner wanted to close the deal tonight and so whoever makes the best offer will get it... :(

Oh well, hoping something better will come.. Hopefully we'll have good vibes on Saturday!

After 7 years!

When Seano was still courting me, he gave me this brownie recipe coz he knew I love brownies back then. He wanted to impress me so he said he'll get a recipe from his aunt...He did get me the recipe but I later on found out that he just photocopied it from his teammate's recipe book! :-P Ang masasabi ko lng: style mo bulok!!! Haha. But obviously it worked for me. :-P

Anyway, I got to bake the brownies after 7 years! I was out for the past 2 weekends and was missing my mokong, so I wanted to treat him extra special since he has been doing the all the chores. :-) Luv u! =P

The Ambassador

Oh yes, that's me--- the Ambassador! :) I'd like to believe that I'm a great representative of the Philippines here in Singapore [haha. no violent reactions pls! It's just something that makes me smile and feel good! :)]. Well, I am particularly talking about the RMG office...There have been numerous 'bakasyonistas' from Manila coming here in SG. What makes it extra special (at least for me!) is that they visit me to see the office here. I don't mind touring them around since the office is really small and there's actually nothing to see there! hehe. But it was always my pleasure showing them the office as I feel a pride and joy that I will always be FROM the Manila office! (grabe kung nababasa lang 'to ni Sir Tom! :p)

Anyway, here's the story... I met up with some of the US Research Analysts today: Renz, Jeff and Issa. I've known Renz for a while now since she has been with the office for 4 or 5 yrs... Jeff is the bubbly and cute 'girl' (he used to be Krisna's favorite teammate)...Issa was my 'kababayan' from Batangas. It was the first time I met her though. I don't know her since she used to work at the 28F and I was at the 19F... Anyway, after touring them around the office, I invited them for coffee. Like any other catch-ups I have with my friends, it was great hanging out and chatting with them. It feels good talking to familiar people and to someone you have something in common! I don't know, it just really feels different being with them. For a while, I felt alive once again and normal! =P At least I don't need to pretend or something. I just feel I was myself once again. :) No pretensions. No efforts. No best foot forward.

Well, I'm back to reality...there was a certain heartache once again in me when I got back to the office. At least for 2 hours, I forgot I was working in the SG office... oh well, that's life... MOVE ON!

THINKING OUT LOUD

Some random thoughts that I have... Just wanna share my good, bad and even weird 'experiences' for the past weeks here.

TODAY:

I had a good lunch with my colleagues today, Darren and ChengHuat. We went to Chinatown for some local food since they have a visitor from Taiwan (astig ang pangalan nya-Sting! hehe.) We ate chicken curry noodle at this particular stall in a hawker centre which they said was the best in Singapore. The stall has a long queue (yes, it's queue and not line! ;P). It actually takes a while until you can order. The taste is different but I like it. It's not something that you'll be eating everyday, but still it's worth trying especially when you're into spicy foods.

After lunch, we went around the medicine shops to get Ba Ku Teh spices for Sting's friends in Taiwan. The shops have some weird dried stuff and herbs. A dried flying squirrel or bat has caught my attention. Imagine a bat or a squirrel na 'nakatihaya' tas pinatuyo parang danggit! eeewww! Apparently, it was a traditional medicine which the guy said was effective for kidneys. I don't care lah! haha. Kadiri!

It was a long way back to the office. We took the MRT from Chinatown station to Orchard. I didn't mind taking the train as it was still convenient and hassle free. Besides, I got the chance to hang out more with the boys. I had good conversations with them on our way back. :) We talked about how am I doing in Singapore and my first impression of the people in the office. I said I was surprised that they were all friendly. I wasn't expecting it. And Darren said: "Actually, you're friendly yourself too." O dba, friendly pa rin pala ako! =P

And because of that, I had a big smile the whole afternoon!

AT POSB BANK:

I was planning to open a USD account a couple of weeks ago:

Customer Service Agent: Yes, can I help you?
osang: yeah, I would like to open a dollar account.

CSA: A dollar account?? Just ONE dollar???
osang: No, I want to open a US dollar account.

Ok, my bad. I forgot that the denomination here is also dollar... but A DOLLAR? as in one dollar to open an account???

AT A MOVIE HOUSE:

We were watching Monsters vs Aliens last week with Sean's family in Downtown East... I went out the movie house for a while to get a seat booster for Sim (Sean's 3-yr old nephew) and to buy some nachos. On my way back, I placed the nachos and the drink on top of the seat booster, so I can carry all of them much easier. In other words, I used the seat booster as a tray. Inside the cinema, I was searching for my seat carefully when a girl called me. She thought I was delivering her the food she ordered (akala nya waiter ako). I said, no it's mine. But I think she didn't hear what I said, and she was insisting that the food was hers.... Sa inis ko, natarayan ko na sya at nasigawan. "NO, IT'S MINE!!!"

"Your Papap's Baby!"

MAY 6---- It's Edilyn's 6th birthday!!! :) I wasn't able to talk to her but I left a message to her mom. Hope she got it. Happy Happy B-day!!! I luv yah! :)

I haven't seen her for a year now... I am sure the next time I'll see her, she would have gone taller and smarter! I'm sure she'll still be the nice and sweet kid I know. :) Miss yah and see you really soon!

Love, Tita Marie

To the readers: Edilyn calls me "papap's baby" 'coz according to her I am her grandma's (she calls my mom Papap) baby. That's what she tease me everytime I see her! With her fingers pointing at me and chanting: "Tita Marie, you're Papap's baby! Your Papap's baby! " Aaargh! Bata pa lang, ang hilig na ko asarin! haha. Pero sino ba naman ang magagalit sa cute na batang yan??

My Labor Day Weekend

FUN and TIRING! :)

Like the past holidays, I was looking forward for Labor Day! This means another long weekend, another vacation time! hehe. It was vacation time indeed for me as I had so much activities done for the weekend: Wolverine movie, beauty session, night-out gimik, children's party and biking lesson! :)

Sean and I watched Wolverine around 11pm last Thursday night (looks like we're turning one of them! Kelangan mauna at mapanood kagad! AYAW MAGPATALO! haha). I guess we have the right 'coz we're both fan of X-men! =P The movie was nice pero bitin!!! I'm bias 'coz I always loved Wolverine so kahit 'bitin' ang kwento, I still had fun watching. hehe.

We went home past 1 am and got to sleep at 2 am I think... I woke up at 8 though, since I (and Stef) had an early appointment to the spa salon to get our nails done. Yeah, it's not likely me waking up early just to make myself look pretty! :P But I have no choice, it was Stef who booked for it and I was just coming along with her. The place was called Wax in The City somewhere in Raffles Place. It was a private salon who caters for members only. I thought of considering being a member but their fee was too much!! I don't want to spend $988 just for my nails!! I had a classic manicure and pedicure which I really liked! It's the fourth day already and I still have my (almost) perfect nails! :P I had it colored dark purple which is really cool! The salon uses an OP brand of nail polish which they said was the best. I think I'll give the store a 4.5 stars for the ambiance, nice and friendly staff (may pinoy kasi!=P) and for playing Aiza Seguerra's cd! hehe.

The best part of the beauty session of course, is spending time with my NFF, Stef! hehe. It was nice hanging out with her as I learned a lot about their culture and the people in the office! She is such a bubbly and nice person! We got to talk about everything which is really cool! I missed hanging out with my girlfriends, so being with her just meant a lot! :P I just wished that I could have done something like this with my friends back home. Di kasi maarte mga kaibigan ko e! :P

My nails were perfect for our Friday night gimik at Wala-Wala Bar in Holland Village. We met up with Mark and Serene around 9pm to watch their in-house band. The band was good but it wasn't as great as the Pinoy bands we have. The food was great though --- I loove their chicken wings!!!! And best of all, you don't need to dress up here and you can come as yourself! Unlike other bars where people hanging out are pretentious! A guy in barong tagalog caught our attention and obviously he's pinoy! And guess what, I know the guy! If you work at Philamlife Tower, chances are you know this guy too! hahhaha. "Eng-eng aha" as we call him (ung sa sound effect sa regal shocker), 'coz he's creepy and is literally everywhere! You'll spot him on the most unusual place you'll think he'll be there! As in ang creepy talaga!!! hahaha.

Our Saturday afternoon was mostly spent at Arlene and James' home to celebrate their daughter's 3rd birthday party. Mandy is such an adorable kid!!! Maarte na bibo! :) And like other kids, magugulat ka na lang sa mga hirit nya. Ang cuute, nakaka-gigil! The other Watson Wyatt babies were also there including our inaanak Nicollette, Nathan and Lucas! It just feels great hanging out my 'little' friends as always. :) Sean and I were the only couple who doesn't have a kid and so we were joking that will just pick one kid that we'll bring home. =P The frozen margarita that James mixed was the best! Tamang-tama sa mainit na panahon! Pagdating tuloy sa bahay, bagsak ako! :P

The last day of my weekend was my biking day! :) It has been a week since I started learning how to ride a bike. I'm so glad that I'm progressing everyday! :) Finally, I got to stand and move the two pedals! hehe. My legs were full of bruises though. :( Two or three more sessions at our park, and I'm hoping I could join Seano and his friends with the bike trails! haha, feeling ako!! So, wish me luck everyone! :)

It's another week ahead... Hope I'll be able to make it without much complaints! =P